what's left of it

That should be the title of my biography, if I have one. The problem is I don't think I need one, cos I know out there, there are others worse off than me. Grateful to be alive, and yet grateful to know that my life is not gonna be a long one either. Right now, I'm juggling life as much as I can cope daily. Knowing that your time is almost up can make you see things in better perspective, or at least, in a different perspective. Others have told me that only Almighty knows our birth, life partner & death. These are the secret of the universe that is beyond our control. And yet when you are in the know of your life expectancy, it feels liberating. Finally I'm out of the clutches of the unknown. But I'm sad for one thing, my beautiful daughter.
She will be the only regret in my death. She's the only guilt trip that I allow myself to have.
I can only wish that she will be able to handle it when my time comes.
I know she will have to learn to cope with life and whatever that life throws at her. But I also know that she can only be sad for a while because I have prepared her for this.
I dont indulge in self pity. Actually I hate the word 'pity'. It is such a hopeless word.
It is a word which I strongly avoid in my daily conversation with others.
You know, there are many pityful souls out there who sees life in minute details, such as spoiled oranges in the supermarket, stepping on spilt ice cream, and such. Well it is a pity that they are not able to appreciate life fully. Getting angry on insignificant things is such a waste of life.
My own sisters did not appear for my wedding (that was years ago), and yet I'm still talking to them. To each his own, and if that's what makes them happy at that time, so be it.
Life is too short for me to fret over such things.
My mom wonders why I am okay with it, well it is something that I chose to do.
I told her that I chose to be happy, and stay close and comfortable with my siblings. I'm sure they have their reasons, but I don't need to know. I chose to stop counting deeds (whether good or bad). Cos, in the end, what matters is that I am happy while I'm alive. So what's left of it, is what I'm chose to make good of it.
Some may not understand, I should take sides they say. I should be angry, I should be upset. There are a whole list of 'should' things that was handed on my plate. But guess what? I chose to live, and forgive. Forget is harder (a whole different blog can be dedicated to this subject alone).
Cos remember, Life is about living, the big picture, forget about fretting on minute details.
Go out there and LIVE!