A New Start

I recently transferred back to main office. In Oct in fact.
I requested the transfer and was readily accepted by my GM.
Though it has been refreshing, I still reminisce my time in Sbldg.

Lots of things happened after I left.
And the latest one is A's resignation.
I know that like most of the boys, he also felt like I had abandoned him.
And to make things worse, there was no replacement for my position.
Therefore, he had to take up most of my responsibility.

I don't blame him for leaving. Many times I asked him if he's angry.
His reply was "I'm angry with the mgmt, not you!"
I feel relieved, but sad at the same time.
So when he confided in me about his resignation, I was half-heartedly happy for him.
He deserves more, and he can do more for himself.
He felt like he was stuck in a rut and therefore all the more he should make a move.
I told him that. I made the move because of my unhappiness with the situation.
It's been a positive change and I'm happier now, though it's quite a challenge to be doing things on your own.

Also, now there will be no more 'competition' with J.
She has been wanting to fill my position since I left, trying her best to win over the boys.
I let her be as I'm not there anymore.
The boys have all been good to me while I was there.
And even now still happy to see me when we ran into each other in main office.

A's leaving will make another impact to a gaping hole left behind by me.
Some have came up to me and commented on the 'loss' in Sbldg.
I had to put on a brave face and say well that's life.
Deep down inside I'm sad to see things going south like this.
But what to do? I can only watch and see.
I'm in no position to stop the change.
And change is inevitable.

I had dinner date with A, a month ago.
We had many things to catch up on.
It's really been a long time since we really talked.
Dinner was great. We had a long walk after dinner.
It was nice and refreshing.
And we are still good friends.

I'm glad to have worked in Sbldg for the last 2 years.
It has not been a waste of time. I've no regrets.
I've learnt many things, in both work and personal level.
And the boys just make my life more colourful and rewarding.
Thanks guys!! I do miss all of you.
Thanks for all the wonderful memories.

Closure

Many things happened over the last few months...
S-bldg closure.. foreman Z accident.. foreman T retrenchment...manager JJ sent back to Japan...

many things...
somehow it has been many bad things (except for the JJ sent home, alas!!) after another.
I develop some understanding with manager TT, and now on more common ground with A.

Yesterday, A told me straight into my face, twice.
"I care about you. I care about YOU!"
I laughed it off, and felt relieved that he said so.
At least it is out in the open. He cared, and I don't feel bad or giggly or dazed...
Neither did he.

We are matured adults, who happen to like each other and respect each other well.
He stopped being shy and moody.
And finally, after several months of awkwardness, we suddenly feel comfortable with each other again.
The whole weight was lifted off his shoulder, it seems. He smiled more openly and readily.
He is relaxed and relieved that I took it all in a stride.
I'm glad that he said what he said. This is so that he knows that I don't bite him off
nor behave all google-eyed on him.
He finally see that it's ok to care about someone deeply without turning it to romance or scandal.
We are adults... I like people to tell me that they care about me...
I won't go googoo gaagaa over him like a school girl.
I'm a married woman who is in touch with herself and her feelings.
I'm able to accept love without making it awkward.

I'm glad it is out in the open. He is happy and I am happy.
We will not be foolish to throw our lives away just because we care about each other.
We are just glad that we do care about each other enough to respect each other's space.
And we are comfortable enough to work together even better than before.

I'm glad this relationship has come full circle, a closure to the unanswered questions.

I'm only sad that our time will come to an end soon with the closing of S-bldg.

Little Sister

Last night I was questioned by my big brother of my whereabouts.
He ends it with a "merayap aje kau" and a disapproval look on his face.

I'm 36 years old, and a mother of a 10yr old kid.
Why am I being question as if I'm a 16 year old teenager.
It's a wonder why my brother, who loves spending time with his friends,
is now questioning my morale values just because I'm out with my girlfriends.
And for goodness sake, I was out to run errant and then for supper, only.
It's not like I'm parading across town, with toyboys on both arms, and
with a champagne glass in my hand.
The worse part of all, this happened in front of my girlfriends.

Sometimes, I wonder when do big brothers, mothers & fathers stop treating us like children.
I was disappointed with my brother for doing what he did.
He should know me better, and not get influenced by my mom, who is
constantly complaining about me whenever she sees that I have a life outside the house.

Sometimes, I just feel like leaving Singapore. Just pack my bags and leave without
thinking of the things or consequences I would be leaving behind.
I'm tired of doing the 'right' things, to fulfil to someone elses needs.
How about my needs?
Has any of them think about Me before they demand on Me?
I guess they see me as the one to meet their demands and their needs,
and by forsaking me as a person or a human being.

Last night, I told off my brother that I'm no longer his Little Sister.
Till today he has not replied me.
I hope for his sake that he realised what he did was wrong.

Jason Mraz with I'm Yours (in true original form)
follow this link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irSklXqsXBo

Updates & Upgrades

I have not been updating my blogs recently.
All this is becos I'm finding it hard to write.
I have many outlets to express myself at work, and therefore
i do it at work.

However there are many frustrating things about expressing myself at work.
Like in a recent training i attended, someone new (a co-worker) pointed out to me my flaws;
my directness in saying anything and everything, and it is uncomfortable to him cos I also
spoke about my boss openly.

I think i really need to learn to reserve my opinion abt him only to close friends...
those who share the same sentiment with me, and experienced the same frustrations and
annoyance generated by him.

Somehow, i still need a lot of practice in this. Becos, everyday I have fellow colleagues, either
from within or external sections, complaining to me how they've been wrongly accused, shouted at, made frustrated by, etc, etc, by my boss.

And through this, i keep a list of all the stupid things my boss has done...
and it is a long list....

I think it is time i set the list on fire, and focus on better-ing my self.
I don't want to clog my life with negative energy.
Its about time i upgrade and update.

PS: need to keep the fire fighters on standby just in case the fire gets too big, since its
really a very long list.

Green Eyed Monsters

I've been bitten by the green eyed monster.

What happen was, I went all green and purple when J decided to stay over in the chalet with A.
I was furious... J knows it, and she did not apologized.

Serves me right. Who do you think you are?

For once, I need to see ME in a sun-lit room with big mirrors that cover every inch of me.
Wake UP!!